A 40 year old woman didn't get off her couch for seven years. She was fed there, she pissed there, she shit there. Her skin eventually graphed itself into the couch and she actually became one with the object she loved so much. When paramedics finally intervened, they were forced to remove sliding glass doors and build a stretcher large enough, strong enough, to carry her and her best friend out of the house. She eventually died at the hospital, still attached to the couch.
Not to sound so negative, but we are all similar in sense that we attach ourselves. Not that we are attached to something that will eventually be our demise. But without even trying, without thinking, we build things.
We make things. We make art, music, poetry.
We build relationships, we fall in love, we build our rapports and resumes.
We make an identity.
Without thinking or trying, we do this.
Without thinking or trying, this woman became one with her couch, and made a story not worth forgetting.
It's the simple day to day life that make us who we are.
This past year, I have had experiences and have encountered events that have challenged what I though was my "identity."
The way I grew up was the way it was always going to be.
Weird, how it is the people you think could never hurt you, the people that are supposed to protect you - your family - that could cause the most confusion, damage, insecurity and questionability as to who you are.
How did we come from these people? We're so different.
I know a lot of you people out there in cyber space have no idea what I'm talking about. But for those of you who do, I give you props, cheers, L'Chaim! as I hold this glass of cheap wine up to you.
We are strong.
I've distanced myself from this battle zone.
Without thinking, without trying, without knowing, I have built things.
I've created more works of art this year than in my life as an artist. I could fill a gallery and a half with the amount of GOOD work I've produced.
I've taken upon the challenge of becoming a New York State certified teacher. And that, my friends, is no New York cheesecake. There have been many days I've wanted to throw my hands up in the air and say "Fuck this! I'm 24, I should be making money by now! Forget this passion, I'll just settle for second on my list and be a graphic designer!" But I've stuck through it.
Here, here to my photo silk screens, identity boxes, collages, year long elementary school curriculums and high school unit plans!
Most importantly, in my six years living in New Paltz, I've built my own family. My family consists of Nick and my two cats, Tito and Regina. In all my hardships, I've found solace in Tito's meow, Regina's affection and Nick's smile.
How quickly the rug of dependence has been pulled out from under my feet.
Nick and I found out Friday, November 16th, that Regina has feline leukemia. Tito was immediately tested the next day.
He was positive too.
I can not express my devastation, I felt like I had already lost both of my children. Life was throwing me curve ball after curve ball, and this one hit me right in the gut. There is a small chance that Tito and Regina will live a long time. There is a larger chance that they will only live two to three years.
I looked up at the rain cloud that would keep me company until I eventually just ... got over it.
I know it seems silly that on the list of all the important things we build, our love and relationships with our pets is ranked very high. They are just animals, they don't even know the reality of life, you're going to outlive them anyway - so what difference does it make?
But like the lady on the couch, in more of an abstract way, we morph and grow into the things, animals, passions and people we love. So much so, we can't picture our lives without them.
It makes me depressed to think about all this. Until Regina runs and jumps onto Tito. They grab each other's necks and give a couple love bites, kiss each other, and eventually fall asleep holding each other.
I think that THEY are the ones with the terminal illness.
Ignorance is such bliss. Ignorance is such an inspiration!
I now know, no matter how strong we build things, how much time we put into it, how much laughter or tears it brings us, how incredibly dependent we are -- in the end it's just you.
It's just me.
There will always be a goodbye because life is bittersweet, because we are not what we've built, it's what we build that changes us...forever.
I guess the point of this is just a reminder to enjoy every minute of every day. Because at any moment, that wave you were riding can dissipate, and all you are left with is that person in the mirror that stares back at you.
Right in the eye.
Everything, everyone that is important in our lives needs to be appreciated. All the relationships, rapports and experiences we've built needs to be cherished. In a moments notice, life can change and everything you've built could be more of an approaching memory that you can't hold on to.
So appreciate.
Even if it is just your favorite couch :)
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